“I want to die of old age!” he said, almost arrogantly, as if he was the first person to have ever thought to try that.

I winced – literally minutes from death and he still didn’t understand exactly what he was dealing with. Resigned, I tried one last time to warn him, “As your lawyer, I am obliged to enter your wish exactly as you stated, but I must warn you, this is not going to go the way you think it will.  Have you never wished before?”

“Wish smish, I got this,” he replied.  And with that, I sighed, and then signaled to the bailiff that we were ready to appear before the judge, and he nodded and blinked us back to the courtroom.

“Your honor, my client has decided his fate.  His exact and entire wish is as follows:  ‘I want to die of old age.’  He was coherent and lucid throughout the discussion, and was not under the influence of wishes, powers, spells or substances.”  I bowed, then stepped back behind the podium, my job done.

“”Let the record show that the prisoner has requested to die of old age” the judge intoned,  stifling a yawn – clearly, they’d seen this type of request before as well.  

“It is so noted, your honor. The wisher is ready.” replied the court scribe meekly.

“Then let it begin, and queue up the next prisoner.”  The judge looked down at the papers on his desk, and I turned away, knowing what was about to happen.  The scribe pressed a button on her desk, and the prisoner’s smug smiling face changed to one of horror as 100 years of subjective time passed through his body in 10 seconds of real time, before crumbling to dust a few seconds later. The judge leaned back, glancing at the clock. “I’d like to get in a few more before lunch; do we have sufficient wishers available?”